I come from Northern Morocco, but I moved to Libya some years ago. In my city in Morocco, women are not allowed to go to school, so I never got an education. I still can’t read or write. I was forced to marry at 13 years old, and I stayed with this husband for 10 years. We tried the entire time to have kids, but it never worked and my husband didn’t have money to pay for the medical procedure that I needed in order to have kids. Since we couldn’t have children, and I didn’t love him anyways, we separated after 10 years. My mother wanted me to stay in Morocco and remarry to try to have kids, but I didn’t want to. Instead, we agreed that I would go to Libya to find a job, and then I would regularly send some money home to my mother.
In Libya, I worked as a cleaning lady. But it was hard, because I didn’t make much money and then I still had to send some home every month. I met my second husband there, and finally I was able to have kids, with the help of invitro fertilization. I had two kids; twins. When they were still babies, the war started in Libya. We decided to leave Libya because of the war and because we had no money. So we came to Germany in 2020. I didn’t want to go to Germany, but we had to do it for our safety.
We travelled by boat, there were 12 of us on this boat for 3 days total. During those days we didn’t eat at all, I thought we might die. I didn’t want to die. I’m sorry, I can’t speak about this time.
My husband lives in a different home in this region. He is not allowed to live with us anymore because one time he hit me and the children. It was one time and everything is okay now. I don’t understand why they won’t let him move back in with us; I need him.
Living in the home is very very difficult. The kids are now 4 years old, and they still haven’t gotten a kindergarten place. I can’t do anything because I always have to take care of the kids. The children are very unhappy here, because they have no options to play with others. This is also why they have problems with language; they have no one else to speak with. The kids cannot really speak yet, neither German nor Arabic, because when they do speak, the other people in the home complain that they are being too loud.
My children have no freedom in the home. When they try to play, the other mothers complain that they are too loud, and I can’t do anything about it. There is one child from Afghanistan that sometimes can play with them, but it doesn’t happen very often. There is also no playground. The kids are just bored. If we had some sort of daycare or childcare in the home, it would help a lot. Especially since there are no kindergarten places available.
According to the woman who works in the home, the kids will get a kindergarten place soon, but I don’t believe it. It will probably be a lie, like always. The people who work here are always giving us hope, telling us we will get a German course, or a kindergarten place, but they are empty promises. They promise a lot and do nothing. I am very unhappy with the directors of the home.
There are many problems here in the home, and it would help if there were other children for my kids to play with. Sharing the kitchen with the other people in the home is also very difficult and there are often a lot of fights, but no one tries to find a real solution. I sometimes chat with the women from Iraq, but not very often, and I wish I had more social interactions. I don’t interact with any Germans, so I also don’t face any discrimination, but it is lonely.
I like that it is safe in Germany, but I am unhappy because I still can’t speak any German and I want to, but I can’t take a course because of the children. My husband was in a German course once, but isn’t anymore. None of us can speak German.
I have a tolerated status in Germany, meaning I could get a deportation notice at any point. My husband and children both have a permission to stay here, but I do not, because the immigration office did not believe my story. I have appealed against my tolerated status in February, so now I am waiting for them to make a decision. I am constantly living in fear that I will get a deportation notice and have to leave Germany, while my children stay here.