The Loneliness of Germans and their Refugees

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1 Lack of community, loneliness and indifference

Most of the time, the people in the shelters, especially those of different nationalities, live completely alongside each other. There is hardly any social interaction that forms a community. People mostly keep to themselves.

One explanation for this could be the great cultural differences. Obviously, a person from Sudan and one from Afghanistan might both be a refugee, but the cultural differences are profound. This makes fruitful interaction not always easy. Often, residents also simply cannot understand each other because many do not speak enough German, the language that could or should be the common denominator. At the same time, of course, migrants have a lot in common in principle: almost everyone is struggling with the past, the journey to Germany, the asylum procedure, learning the language, living in the shelter, finding housing and work, and so on. The residents could exchange ideas about this, they could learn from each other’s experiences and support each other. However, all this rarely happens, even among people of the same nationality. Even in the latter case, differences in religion, language, cultural tradition, political beliefs, and social class can be enormous and can stand in the way of forming a community.

One might see it as the task of social workers to foster a sense of community by bringing people together through a variety of activities. Very few seem to be able to do this or have set themselves this task, though.

The lack of community is one of the causes of the widespread feelings of loneliness and the mental and physical health problems that are partly caused by it.

“I don’t have any friends in the home. I am the only black person here. The Arabs have their group, but I don’t speak Arabic. I have my culture, and they have theirs. When I see the others, we say hello, but that’s it.” (Ines, Cameroon)

“I do not have much contact with anyone either here in the camp or in the town… I would like to go out and meet people. But I have not had much contact yet and do not know much about people here. Because of the language, I have not talked to many people and don’t know what they think.” (Alieh, Afghanistan)

Numerous residents have (developed) mental health problems, and obviously this also affects the living environment in the refugee center. Psychologically burdened people are also a burden to others. In addition, they become indifferent, take less care of themselves, and of their physical environment.

“About living in the Heim here, I don’t care anymore at all. I mean I don’t care about anything. I have had so many troubles that now nothing is important. You can see it here, how it looks, it’s not clean at all. Nothing works properly here. Nobody does their work right.” (Majid, Iran)

“I want to leave here, together with my sisters and mother. I am responsible for them. Many people here in the camp make shit. They drink, hang out, don’t clean, don’t take care of themselves. I want to get my family out of here. My mother has done a lot for us, and I want to do something in return.” (Dukvakha, Chechnya)

Thus, almost all the people we talked to complained about social isolation and loneliness. Many wished they had more contact with other people, or more people to talk to, even though they lived in a home with many others. Most adults said they had either no contact at all or very little contact with German natives. The fact that they do not speak German well, contributes to this. Even when they have a job, it is often a job where their colleagues are foreign as well, where they do not have to speak German or where they do not have to speak at all. Only the school children seemed to have regular contact with the natives.

“I have no family in Germany, I don’t know anyone here… I had no friends in Luckenwalde, and I also don’t in this home… I wake up, go to work, play a little bit on my phone, and then I sleep again… I don’t like my job that much, but I do go to work. My German is not good, and at this job I don’t have to read or write. In other jobs I would have to do that. But here I can just work.” (Zyan, Iran)

“It’s really difficult not knowing the language, I am suffering because of it, because I can’t speak. I am getting depressed. When someone comes from the office or some post arrives, I cannot understand what they are saying. I should go to someone to get help and ask them to translate for me, but it’s very hard… With the other residents here, I just have neighborly greetings, nothing more.” (Emad, Afghanistan))

“I don’t know anyone in Germany. Even here in the shelter I hardly speak to anyone. I only have contact with my sister. She also does all the paperwork. I am mostly in my room. The curtains are closed, yes.” (Afra, Iraq)

“What’s hard for me here is that I’m always at home with the kids. I don’t have any friends. There are other men in the home that I can talk to, but we have different mentalities.” (Malik, Chechnya)

“There are many problems here in the home, and it would help if there were other children for my kids to play with. Sharing the kitchen with the other people in the home is also very difficult and there are often a lot of fights, but no one tries to find a real solution. I sometimes chat with the women from Iraq, but not very often, and I wish I had more social interactions. I don’t interact with any Germans, so I also don’t face any discrimination, but it is lonely.” (Karina, Morocco)

“We were in the home for a total of one and a half years. We had no contact with German people at all. We had only one family that we talked to in the home. We met them on the plane because we all came from Turkey together, but this woman and her family were the only people we talked to. The children didn’t really have any friends in the home. Our youngest son had friends from school at some point, but the others did not.” (Bashar, Syria)

As far as the present, volunteers are often refugees’ main contact with the outside world.

“We have received a lot of help from a German volunteer named Brigitte. I can call Brigitte anytime. The teachers at the school are also very nice. I also have no problems with the director of the home. I don’t have any German friends, and my husband certainly doesn’t.” (Akilah, Palestina).

Isolation is caused not only by the physical impossibility of meeting others, by rejection by others, but also by partly self-imposed barriers, in which previous experiences, fear and trauma may play a role. Malik from Chechnya observes:

“The only German people I actually encounter here are the social workers in the home. For me, I have to know someone for a month or two before I can really talk to them. Once I know the people a little bit, and know that they are good people who won’t say or do bad things, then I can start to be friendly with those people… It’s not just with German people, it’s with everyone. It’s just hard for me, even with people from Chechnya or Russia. Maybe it’s a psychological problem for me. I have to trust someone before I can just talk to them. I have to know them for one or two months first to build up the trust… There is a language café in this city, and I wanted to go there, but I am afraid. I’m afraid that these people won’t understand me, or that people don’t want to talk to refugees. All people have this fear, it’s normal.”

Loneliness does not only affect refugees. Some accurately notice that natives are also low on social travel. Gulshan from Afghanistan observes:

“I see people in [German] class or other places, and … they all seem very isolated and lonely. When I sit on the train and look at women … I ask myself are they all living alone? … They are all old and they have nothing [a ring] on their fingers. I ask myself, have they been alone all their life?” [About her own situation she says:] “I wish there were at least a couple of other girls here to make friends with. Germany is a nice country. All the stress that I get is out of loneliness. There are no friends or relatives around me… I’m not in contact with anyone. Sometimes when I’m on the train somewhere, like for an interview, I send the address to my German friend in The Netherlands, and she would show me the way and the trains to help me out.”

Yaqout from Syria notes:

“One of the biggest challenges about living in Germany has been the social life. People here don’t make time for each other; they rarely visit each other at their apartments. On the weekdays, they just go to work, and maybe on the weekends, they meet at a restaurant or bar… Here in Germany, it seems like everyone just fends for themselves. I am a very emotional and social person, so this has been extremely hard for me. Other refugees at least have their families with them, but I came here alone, so I have no one. Especially now that I am living in Niella, a small village with mainly elderly residents, I feel very lonely. I have one neighbor who is quite young, maybe 35 or 40 years old, who lives with his wife. I have tried to invite them over for some coffee, but they always say they are busy with work. The only interactions I seem to have with the people in my community are simple greetings when we pass each other. Most neighbors will only speak German with me at first, but as I smile at them and say hello, they slowly begin to address me in English. One of my neighbors only spoke German to me, until I offered to carry a heavy package up the stairs for her. After this, she thanked me in English and has spoken English with me ever since.”

School-age children automatically come into contact with native children, and regularly this allows them to master the language and connect more quickly. Eliana from Chechnya explains: “My oldest brother is in a football club and in a wrestling club, and my other two brothers are also in the wrestling club. So, we kids have in contact with other Germans because of school and stuff, but our parents don’t.” Akilah says:

“The children are doing well in school. My daughter is very cheerful and open. Unfortunately, she has asthma and catches colds very often. However, my son is very shy and finds it difficult to fit in. Sometimes they play with other children on the playground. Occasionally they are invited to play at classmates’ houses. These kids or other German kids have never been to the camp. That is not allowed.”

However, it is not a given that refugee children easily connect with native peers. Mama Stacy from Cameroon talks about her youngest, school-age daughter:

“She says that some of the children are not so friendly, so most of the time she is on her own. Some of the girls are nice, but most of the children do not want to interact with her. I don’t know why that happens. I don’t understand it. There are times when she’ll come home and she’s so unhappy, so disappointed. The teacher says she needs to make friends, but when she goes up to these girls they don’t want to talk to her. What is she supposed to do?”

2 An epidemic of loneliness and its consequences

Many refugees and migrants have flight experiences and are therefore often psychologically stressed or traumatized. In addition, they have sometimes developed psychological problems during their regularly very long stays in the refugee homes. This naturally also affects the quality of life in these homes. As remarked, psychologically distressed people are often also a burden on their social environment. People who are unhappy, low-spirited, or depressed take energy away from others; people who are doing well give energy to others. Multiple unhappy people together can negatively determine the entire living and working environment in a home, as well as in a company, academic department, soccer team, or government. They also become indifferent, caring less about themselves and their physical surroundings.

Since people in the shelters have little or no contact with Germans and also live past each other, loneliness is one of their biggest complaints. Even having a job rarely leads to interpersonal contact. Loneliness, in turn, causes numerous other mental and physical problems and complaints. The American Psychological Association found in a meta-study that people who are lonely are more likely to have health problems; and people with health problems are more likely to suffer from loneliness. About 60 percent of Americans aged 45 and older are “diagnosed with anxiety, depression or another mood disorder reported feeling lonely… Close to two-thirds of those who had been diagnosed with drug/alcohol abuse (63 percent) were lonely” (APA 2017: 12).

Loneliness does not only affect refugees. Some perceive, we saw in the interviews, that many German natives suffer the same way. Germans in general, and Brandenburgers in particular, seem to have great difficulty making and maintaining interpersonal contacts. Many refugees are also very concerned about this. These concerns prove to be justified.

Since loneliness and related mental health issues are so formative and complicate many efforts to integrate and build independent lives, I will go into this in a bit more detail.

In his book The Loss of Happiness in Market Democracies (2000), political psychologist Robert Lane notes that since the 1970s, all Western democracies have experienced a sharp increase in depression and other mental illnesses, as well as in distrust of other people and social institutions. Everywhere, pessimism about the future increased and social and family cohesion eroded. According to Lane, there is “a kind of famine of warm interpersonal relations, of easy-to-reach neighbors, of encircling, inclusive memberships, and of solidary family life” (2000: 9). As a result of this lack of social support, people increasingly suffer from loneliness and are much more vulnerable to setbacks in life, such as unemployment, illness, stress, disappointments with their children, unfulfilled desires. A general feeling of unease or anxiety is the result.

The research Lane cites shows that people who are comfortable in their own skin display more creativity, problem-solving ability, cooperativeness, generosity, health, and self-fulfillment. Happy people make friends more easily, and friends make people happier. They also have fewer ethnic prejudices and are more positive about democratic governance. Unhappy and depressed people, on the other hand, enter a downward spiral: they have a negative self-image, lack self-confidence and autonomous behavior, perform poorly in studies and work, lose a sense of proportion, get into fights with family members and colleagues, are bad parents, and so on. The personal, as well as the social, costs of these people are enormous: “They drain the resources of the societies in which they live,” writes Lane (2000: 330; cf. Blokland 2023).

In an interview I conducted with Robert Lane in 2000, he stated, “Contrary to what cultural relativists would like to believe, people have a great deal in common. As a result, the conditions for their well-being are very similar around the world. For example, cross-cultural research generally shows that satisfaction with family life and relationships with friends are among the most important explanations for happiness and the absence of depression. They are more important than satisfaction with the standard of living, work, religious life, or ‘pleasures one has’. Above all, depression is not a purely cultural product. There is a great deal of cross-cultural agreement among psychologists about the criteria for depression. It includes persistent and co-occurring symptoms such as loss of appetite, insomnia, chronic fatigue, loss of sexual desire, feelings of inferiority or guilt, poor concentration, indecisiveness, and recurrent thoughts of death or suicide.” (Blokland 2000: 10)

The impact of loneliness on health is a topic of growing interest to researchers. One of the most thorough and widely cited studies was a meta-analysis of 128 studies conducted in Europe, Asia, North America, and Australia by the American Psychological Association (2017). The review found that loneliness was associated with increased risk of heart disease, hypertension, stroke, and dementia. Overall, loneliness increased the risk of earlier death by over 50%.

Several governments have now introduced measures to combat loneliness. In the UK, a separate ministry has even been set up for this purpose. In Germany, the Federal Ministry for Family Affairs, Senior Citizens, Women and Youth has developed a “Strategy against Loneliness”.

Loneliness occurs, the Ministry writes on its website, “when one’s social relationships do not meet personal desires and needs. The perceived lack can relate to both the number of contacts and the depth and closeness of ties” (Bundesministerium für Familie, Senioren, Frauen und Jugend. 2022. Translation HTB). Contrary to popular belief, it’s not just older people who feel lonely. “People in transitional situations in life are particularly at risk, such as entering university, training, work and retirement, or when the person is struck by a blow of fate, such as a breakup or the loss of a loved one.” The fact that refugees in particular are at high risk of being affected by this widespread disease is also shown by the following list: “People living alone, single parents, singles, family caregivers, and people with a migration background, limited mobility, health problems, low education, or few financial opportunities have an increased risk of being affected by loneliness.”

The ministry has established a “Competence Network on Loneliness” in 2022, which, among other things, conducts research and pools and disseminates knowledge. In one of her publications, Epidemiology of Loneliness in Germany (“Epidemiologie von Einsamkeit in Deutschland”, 2022), Theresa Entringer writes that before the Covid-19 pandemic, 14.2% of people living in Germany reported being lonely. The Corona measures drastically increased this percentage: to 42.3 in 2021.^[2] The residents of the transitional homes were certainly also hit hard by these measures, as we found in the interviews. Before the pandemic, people with low education, low income, and unemployment suffered most from loneliness. During the epidemic, women and young people in particular joined this group.

In the sparsely populated rural areas of Brandenburg, loneliness is probably even more widespread than elsewhere. In addition to a cultural problem, the major difficulty is that the villages affected are losing the places where people used to meet – the bakery, the café, the bank, the supermarket. In addition, people need money to travel to places where people gather, and money to spend time in cafes, restaurants, and coffee shops. But these financial resources are particularly lacking among inhabitants of villages and among older people, of whom there are relatively many in Brandenburg (Budde 2019).

Susanne Bücker (2022) has analyzed the literature on the health, psychological, and social consequences of loneliness. Loneliness and social exclusion, she writes, “are understood to be powerful stressors that are associated with many mental health problems (Zawadzki/Gavrilova 2021). For example, numerous studies show that loneliness is associated with increased vulnerability to depressive disorders (Achterbergh et al. 2020; Beutel et al., 2017; Cacioppo et al. 2006b, 2010; Jaremka et al. 2013).” In addition, there are associations with suicidality, anxiety disorders, sleep problems, and impaired cognitive abilities (2022: 8-12). Furthermore, scientific studies show “that social isolation and loneliness may be associated with serious long-term physical health consequences, including earlier death (Holt-Lunstad 2021; Holt-Lunstad et al. 2015)” (2022: 12). A meta-study of existing research demonstrates “that loneliness was associated with a 26% increased risk of premature death, social isolation was associated with a 29% increased risk, and living alone was associated with a 32% increased risk (Holt-Lunstad et al. 2015)” (2022: 13; translation HTB).

A recent study by Das Progressive Zentrum (the Progressive Center) in Berlin looked specifically at the political consequences of loneliness among young people. Again, feelings of loneliness have been enormously exacerbated at the time of the Corona epidemic. They found that “people who frequently feel lonely, disconnected, and misunderstood are more likely to believe conspiracy narratives, endorse political violence, and to agree with authoritarian attitudes” (2023: 4; translation HTB). The lonely, the authors write, are more likely to be youth who feel financial pressure, who no longer live at home, or who have a history of migration.

Indicators of a conspiracy mentality include agreeing with the statement that the government hides important information from the public or with the assertion that the government often knows about terrorist attacks and still lets them happen. These beliefs are significantly more prevalent among loners than non-loners (58% vs. 47% and 46% vs. 31%, respectively). The statement “Some politicians deserve it when anger at them sometimes turns to violence” is agreed to by 25% of non-lonely individuals but 34% of lonely individuals. Indicative of authoritarian attitudes is, among other things, agreement with the statement “I admire people who have the ability to dominate others.” This statement is agreed to by 46% of the lonely, but “only” 35% of the non-lonely young people (2023: 5; translation HTB).

The authors, Claudia Neu, Beate Küpper und Maike Luhmann, also concluded that the young people they surveyed “paint[ed] only a vague picture of what they mean by society and [exhibited] little collective consciousness.” The survey found that only 57% of young people consider democracy to be the best form of government (2023: 4).

When you list all of the above factors that contribute to the likelihood of feelings of loneliness and social isolation, it is clear that refugees housed in transitional shelters are extremely vulnerable. We have found that people who are particularly at risk are those who are going through a major change in their lives, who are separated from their family and loved ones, who live alone, who are raising their children alone, who do not have a job, who have limited mobility, who have health problems, and who have low levels of education and financial means. Often, the refugees involved exhibit all of these characteristics at the same time. Adding to this are the often traumatizing experiences of flight, the great uncertainty about the future, the poor living conditions in the shelters, and the fact that they find themselves in a foreign environment where people speak a language they do not master. The isolation measures during the Corona epidemic, which were carried out without much social scientific thought, have exacerbated all of this.

The effects of loneliness mentioned in the academic literature can thus be observed to a high degree among the refugees in Germany. Stress, insomnia, trauma, anxiety, eating disorders, apathy, lethargy and depression are mentioned in the interviews. The longer people are lonely, the more difficult it also becomes to get out of this situation. The causes are the psychological and physical effects already mentioned, as well as the dwindling self-confidence needed to approach people and the increasing tendency to perceive the world as hostile.

According to shelter managers we interviewed, there is a tremendous lack of psychological and psychiatric support, with an average of five people in each shelter who should be hospitalized (Blokland 2023: part 3). A much larger number of people, they estimate, will never be able to live independently (again).

3 What is to be done?

The obvious thing to do here would be to call for more therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists. Even for the native population, however, there are too few of these counselors. It is also a waste of time and resources as long as the causes of mental problems are not addressed structurally. Incidentally, this is also true for society as a whole. Some causes of psychological problems lie in the past – the reasons why one (had to) leave the country of origin – and cannot always be influenced by Germany or Europe. Other causes, however, are homemade: the living conditions in the shelters, being cut off from society, the forced idleness, the endless waiting, the lack of social work that focuses on building social relationships and community. Instead of closing borders in response to crimes committed by a single mentally disturbed refugee, crimes which can obviously never be justified, active, targeted, and well-conceived integration work seems to be a more productive solution.

Literature

American Psychological Association. 2017. So Lonely I could die. Retrieved January 23, 2023.

Blokland, Hans. 2000. Robert E. Lane en de achterhaaldheid van het marktliberalisme. Facta: Sociaal-Wetenschappelijk Magazine. Vol.8, No.5, pp.8-13.

Blokland, Hans. 2021. Loneliness, unhappiness, consumerism and its political consequences: observations and predictions of Robert E. Lane. Potsdam: Social Science Works.

Blokland, Hans. 2023. Migrationspolitik auf der Flucht. Erfahrungen von Neuankömmlingen mit Untätigkeit, Trägheit und Gleichgültigkeit. Bielefeld: Transcript Verlag.

Bücker, Susanne. 2022. Die Gesundheitlichen, Psychologischen und Gesellschaftlichen Folgen von Einsamkeit. Institut für Sozialarbeit und Sozialpädagogik e.V.; Kompetenznetz Einsamkeit. KNE Expertise. 10/22

Bundesministerium für Familie, Senioren, Frauen und Jugend. 2022. Strategie gegen Einsamkeit. Retrieved July 26, 2025.

Entringer, Theresa. Epidemiologie von Einsamkeit in Deutschland. Institut für Sozialarbeit und Sozialpädagogik e.V.; Kompetenznetz Einsamkeit. KNE Expertise 4/2022

Lane, Robert A. 2000. The Loss of Happiness in Market Democracies. New Haven and London: Yale University Press.

Progressive Zentrum mit Claudia Neu, Beate Küpper und Maike Luhmann. 2023. „Extrem einsam?“ Die demokratische Relevanz von Einsamkeitserfahrungen unter Jugendlichen in Deutschland. Berlin: Das Progressive Zentrum.

[1] For a more detailed report on our research into the living conditions and experiences of new arrivals, please turn to the study. Migrationspolitik auf der Flucht (2023).

[2] The data are based on those of the Socio-Economic Panel (SOEP). The survey in question asks three questions: 1. How often do you feel that you lack the company of others? 2. how often do you feel left out? 3. How often do you feel that you are socially isolated? There are five response categories: Never (1) to Very Often (5). An index was created from the three questions. People with an average score of 3 (sometimes) or higher were classified as lonely (2022: 12).

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The Loneliness of Germans and their Refugees

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